Filling The Void With Alcohol

Laila here. I’m glad so many people found my last post relatable. It really can suck when you love someone, but they just don’t treat you the way you deserve. Of course, I didn’t treat myself the way I deserved either.

Life was a bit harder without Donny’s income. He paid child support of course, but I didn’t want to take all his money and force him to move back home. He got stuck with the mortgage and the dog, and I kept our sons. It only made sense. He would never be able to remember their schedules.

This is when the heavy drinking began. I’d always loved a glass or four of wine at night, but that was okay. Sean and Ryan knew that moms drinking wine were a classic tale. This means that they noticed when my drink of choice became a screwdriver.

The sharp citrus scent of orange juice just wasn’t enough to mask the bitter earthy tang of vodka. I knew they could smell it on my breath, could see it in the looks they shared or the disappointed way they helped me up when I fell on my way to my room.

But I didn’t have a problem. I needed alcohol to relax. I was a single mom of two now having to teach a whole classroom of rambunctious kids. I was still able to do my job at home and at work, and they didn’t have to understand why I drank.

Still, I did notice that they started going to their friends more and coming home later, avoiding me when they went to their rooms. I felt a bit guilty, but that didn’t stop me. I just drank more to avoid the feeling.

Alcohol is a depressant, did you know that? It’s a bit like a sedative and slows down your central nervous system. Yeah, it calmed me down, but it did nothing to hide my feelings of guilt and worthlessness.

After a while it was obvious I drank too much. I was going through a pint of bottom shelf vodka a night. There are health effects that start when you drink too much alcohol. Luckily, I never left the house drunk, but I did start to have some nerve damage.

My toes and fingers burned constantly, and nothing I did seemed to relieve the pain. That was caused by drinking too much alcohol.

It only got worse from there.